I'm breaking strings

Its weird, i woke up and found myself thinking about that again. Repeating in my head over and over again.

I thought... Never mind. I'm tired of thinking about you. Would you please get out of my mind if i show you the way? Please.

Sometimes, i'm tired emotionally most of the time. My spirit and my soul just wouldn't allow me to move on. Gradually losing my purposes over time.

Life in a family of Lord is no easy feat. Its like a huge family ran by a patriarch and everyone have to be on their best. And you have to prove yourself and make Him proud. Plus, His sons and daughters are plenty and willing to please.

I started off getting excited about it like a little child, eventually got tired of being on my toes all the time. I realised i'm a hypocrite if i were to keep on going like that. I'm not what people thought i am. I just want to contribute without all the brou ha ha around me. I just want to be ordinary man doing extraordinary stuffs...

Then, starting to find beauties in sex and alcohol. Its funny how the cycle repeated itself like my own life. Now, i don't know how to talk with Him. I'm staying outside the house and everyone is merrying inside.

These days, i'm dying to connect, to link and to share with someone who can really understand me. The need is so great, i'm going crazy. I wish i could afford to visit a psychiatrist. Sometimes i want to write everything right out of my mind but i realised it will disturbed everyone.

I guess i just have to be more sensible. 

"I can understand all that you are.

 I can even take all that you're not.

 I can sympathise with all you want to be.

 But don't f*** me in front of me."

 Rachael Yamagata, Don't