I wish I can fill up a bathtub with hot water on a lonely day. A day when my thoughts of you are too wild to be tame. Holding my breath and immersing myself totally in the water.
When I get up, I'll be across the ocean, the continent and in your bathroom. Defying logic and sense. Steadily, walking across the cold marble floor and pressing my ear against the door. Hearing you getting ready; the clicking of your watch and two quick spray of your favourite perfume while conversing on the phone, presumably with your employee, telling him/her you'll be right there as soon as possible.
Biting my lips while slowly turning the door knob, I try to peek across the room and fix my gaze on the view of your back as much as the gap allows me to. Mouthing, 'I miss you' when you walk out the door. Outside on the driveway, the engine starts to purr and the sound diminishing bit by bit as the seconds go by.
I walk out the bathroom, filling my lungs with the smell of your room. It smells of you. The chilly air bites into my unclothed body, raising an army of goose bumps. I clench my teeth, trying to keep myself from shivering. Your comb catches my attention, where a few strands of hair sticks out like insect feelers. Without any hesitation, I run it across my wet hair and at the same time spraying a generous amount of your perfume onto my neck.
I know your cat is lying underneath your bed. She is scratching on the carpet floor as I open up your closet, as if to gently protest against my action. I know what I'm looking for there, a white Diesel jacket with blue woolen hoodie. I try to remember the order. It was 7th from the left.
With leisure steps, I dance with it. Twirl around and round until I collapse onto your bed. The sleeves of your jacket entwine me like a boa constrictor, unwilling to let go.
I lose track of the time, spending the entire time staring into the ceiling and your cat, walking in and out of the room. In a twinkling of an eye, darkness creeps into the room, reminding me I have not much time left.
A sudden swirl of light across the window jolts me up. You are back. I hastily place your jacket back into the closet, making sure everything is the way it was before you left and step into the bathroom.
I lie in the bathtub, as still as a corpse, listening to you dragging your feet across the floor and the meow of your cat when you call out to her. I wonder how long will I have to do this, sneaking around the nostalgia between you and me. Yet, I know one day we will meet and be thrown into an unbridled pit of passion frenzy again.
This thought woke me up. Sometimes it fills me with nothing but misery. However, for once, it was euphoric and I didn't bother about this anchor in my heart.
Rene Magritte, The Lovers
"Nine fifteen, then I'm done.
Quiet front seat, then drive around.
Through the water, through the snow."
Fever Ray, Now's The Only Time I Know.
