Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Tell It With A Fist?

Sometimes i feel kind of left out, even with friends around. I do joke around and always get tagged in the facebook for being the funny one.

But its my mind that contradicts what my body's behaving most of the time. Like trying to destroy the image that i'm building on. There is this certain imagination that never stop ticking even when i'm walking, eating or talking.

Its a torture... because it got so downright disturbing even for me. Like when someone is telling me something, i'll be tempted to give them a hard punch or a kick so hard just to see how they'll react to it.

Something random. You get the drift. It happens to almost everyone. If you're thinking of whether i had that thought when you once talked to me then you're probably right.

I'm kind of getting nervous for the session on next monday. I'm not sure how should i phrase it or where should i start. I'm anxious about his answers, hopefully something will make sense.

The Sea Of Silence, 2009, production still

But.. you know.. i like to write poems. I feel so content. Its like encapsulating a certain emotion in a bubble. So fragile. So surreal.

Because its just a matter of time before it'll burst.

"Can i come over?
I need to rest.
Lay down for awhile.

Fever Ray, Triangle Walks.

Its All Architectural.

Morality Of A Body

They're still laughing.
How i managed it,
it is still a mystery.
Trying to comb your hair
with my teeth.
Eagerly prompting
the leftover memories.

It will wind up as
a ringing sound in my ear.
When i reach into
my pants,
it is not pornography.
Soon, someone will take over
my reverie.

When the sun
warms my toes,
Where are our tattoos?
I'll bargain their
laugh for tee-hee.
Questioning what is
truly dear to me.

Julius Kensan
( Sentimental Freak )

Monday, September 28, 2009

September Obsessions

Christian Brylle and his 'sunken, sleep-deprived' eyes.

The Nightmare Before Christmas
Jack Skellington's 'long chopstick-thin' legs.

Photo courtesy of
Red eyeshadow.

Julia Hafstrom

Ph: Eric Sposito
Patrick Kafka

Ph: Eric Sposito
To look this happy every morning.

Polaroid courtesy of DNA Models.
Robert Rae

September Issue

Raf Simons for Doc Martens!!

The Time Traveler's Wife

And will always be obsessed with the Golden Girls.

"Picture me under blood red moon.
I'll make your eyes turn yellow.
Make your skin turn blue."

The XX, Blood Red Moon.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Sick Muse

I always like it when Art is involved with Fashion Photography. There's this sublime quality that never fails to make an impact. And that impact just doubled when Frida Kahlo is thrown into it. "Half-modeled" by Caroline, wearing pieces from the big Fashion house brands like McQueen, Givenchy and Balenciaga and expertly illustrated by Andrea Marshall; just further shows how inspiring and dynamic Frida truly is, even after more than five decades of her death.

Ph: Kristiina Wilson

"Ever get the feeling that
the paint has started peeling.
Are you staring at the ceiling of your castle,
dreaming that you're someone else?"

A Camp, Golden Teeth And Silver Medals.


Pardon me for the hiatus and irregular postings for the past few weeks. Its starting to get crazy, be it school, friends or family.

I was on the way to send my family off to China for holiday on Monday. While i was in the cab, reaching the airport, i had this strong urge to just travel off to any foreign country. It doesn't really matter, i'm used to be with strangers because there no obligation at all.

You know, i used to see it in the movie, where the character set off to travel around the world, claiming that he/she wants to find out who they really are. I used to think that was bullshit because its no different than running away.

But now, when i come to think of it. It doesn't sound so bad. I guess everyone needs to take a breather sometime, to get away, to wait because actions doesn't always bring solutions. Like me, in the end, i ended up tired and lost. Lost about where you are and who you really are.

Oh well, since i still can't afford to travel by myself. I came out with a list of things that i want to do for the next few months and i just ticked off a box by getting a new haircut.

Now, i've already had a good start towards my recovery.

Ph: Hedi Slimane

"Too late for solutions
to solve in the setting sun.
So run my baby,
run my baby run."

Garbage, Run Baby Run.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Definitely A Treat

I know i might not even be celebrating this, but there's no wrong in soaking up in the mood of Halloween, isn't it?

I was just wondering if you guys have made up your mind on what you'll be wearing. If not, let me give you some idea with an editorial spread from Harper's Bazaar shot by Tim Walker.

These days its getting harder to impress others on Halloween. Everyone can easily be one of the ugliest, so there's no point in trying to be uglier than your friend's Frankenstein get-up. The trick is to look unabashedly beautiful with the quirkiest and weirdest ensemble. "Hallo-chic", anyone?

Ph: Tim Walker

I just love the Alexander McQueen dress in the second picture. I've seen it on so many editorial and yet i'll still get something new from it, a certain indescribable feeling.

Well, if you somehow manage to get that dress for your Halloween night (Though, i don't think so). You can come over to my place and rest assured that you'll be getting lots of treats from me.

"Keep my clothes kinky
and a hole in the sheet.
Never go to bed without
a piece of raw meat."

Peaches, Trick Or Treat.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I'm Not Done.

Friends truly learn how to be motherf***ers when they finally found themselves a partner.

You'll start to notice all the changes and all they can do is denying everything.

They'll give reasons like "Why do i always have to be the first to call?" or "I'm still the same, you're just kicking up a fuss." Oh yeah? I'm so tempted to kick your asses now.

Why would i want to bring all this up to create a stir? Fine, when everything starts to go downhill, i'd just want to ask you that, why should i be the first one you'll call?

Ph: Steven Meisel

Unhappy? I dare you to take me on.

"You're looking for me.
But i'm not what you seek.
I've got a twisted personality."

The Knife, A Lung.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Bad Desire

I think too much. And that is something that i can't deny.

I'm sure i'm going through a bout of depression these days and always tend to wallow in self-pity. Yet, when i heard stories of someone else who is struggling through a disease or in a dire situation, i felt as if what i have was just a small piece of cake.

Like a slap in my face. Trying to wake myself up. Telling myself to put my empathy on others.

Why? Why do i need to do that when i don't want to?

I'm tired. I take time. Whenever i'm in my room, i'm feeling various of emotions. I'm angry, i'm bitter, i'm sad, i'm optimistic, i'm disgusted. All these just molded into a ball of massive energy and exploded into a black hole, sucking away everything that i have in me.

Leaving me emotionless, hollow without a single purpose.

Now, can they, who read this, be empathetic with me instead?

Ph: Steven Klein

"I am a hunger ready to eat.
And i can't tell you why.
I had this urge
to die."

The Knife, I Just Had To Die.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Mind Is A Razorblade.

A Touch Is Better Than None

An extra pillow
just to evoke the isolation.
Only if you sink that low.
For the time being,
list it under probation.

An extra mirror
to make fun of the situation.
Me and my reflection
only equals to one.

Where's the fun?
Insomnia can't take the pun.
I'll sublime into the night,
If disappearance is the
best guideline.

Julius Kensan
( Sentimental Freak )