Monday, December 29, 2008

Here's My Version Of It.

We have certainly come a long way.

The year 2008 has hosted some big events like The Olympics where Michael Phelps made history with 8 gold medals ( Nope, not the one where he dates a cocktail waitress from Las Vegas )

The year 2008 also handed the world a poison apple, namely The Recession.

Oh well, whether it is good or bad, 2008 is getting older and no prize for guessing how old it is going to be in few days.

I realised lots of blogger tend to reflect on what movies, news, musics or fashion that are memorable in 2008 at around this point of time. So i thought, why not jump on the bandwagon and write about something similar?

New Year is coming so going with the flow is pardoned.

However, rather than ranting on and on about everything i'd rather focus on music instead ( 2008 has been a blah year for movies ) Give me music anytime and anywhere of the day and i'll still dig it.

So here's the album that i really love in 2008. I know there's only three, i'm too lazy. ( A prove that my 2008 resolution did not work out )

First, my most beloved Rachael Yamagata's Elephants... Teeth Sinking Into Heart. 

I dare say that no one can sing the way she do. She can be happy and yet sing a song that break your heart to pieces. That rich and emotional voices of her are hard to come by. 

Next is a band that is quirky and will always sound like themselves, The Cardigans. If you think they're a one hit wonder then this compilation will definitely prove you wrong. 

They're one of the most under rated band ever! Of course unless you're a fan like me, you should get your hand on the limited edition of The Cardigans Best Of that comes in two CDs.

Last but not least, it is Coldplay. No, they have nothing to do with the Global Warming or climate or whatever. Viva La Vida definitely do them justice from their previous X&Y which sounded a lot like their 2nd album A Rush Of Blood To The Head.

This album is that good, explaining it is really not enough to do justice. 'Nuff said.

And then, there are a few artists that i can't wait for them to release their new albums.

I know not all of you understand Bjork but she don't care about it anyway. She's unpretentious and totally original. Her latest Volta didn't really do her justice, she can produce an album that made the critics gave her 5/5 ratings. So i'm waiting with bated breath to this one.

You guys might never heard of her or her latest album, Saltbreakers but she's a freaking brilliant singer songwriter. Her lyrics and music work so well together that it conjure images in your head. She's Laura Veirs and she knew how to speak chinese. How cool is that?

Now, this is one band that i'll listen to when i'm in the mood of doing something mischievous. The Sounds latest album Dying To Say This To You is fun and cheeky in a non-cheap way. Plus, the vocalist Maja Ivarsson is ambitious, aiming to be " the best female vocalist around... or at least this century". 

I wonder how long will it take for them to come out with new album 'cause my mischiefs are getting impatient.

Now, say the word Yeah Yeah Yeahs! Its not that hard to remember their name, isn't it? This band know how to have fun with their music, though i don't really dig some of their songs from Show Your Bones but i must say they are really good and i can't wait for their new album.

"1234, tell me that you love me more" Does it ring any bell to you? Feist's latest album The Reminder is probably one of the most successful in Indie-Rock music scene. Plus, the Reminder was voted the 80th in the list of The 100 greatest Indie-Rock album ever by American music magazine, Blender. Now, that's one feisty lady ( Fierce is so over used, yucks )

"Here's my version of it,
 eternal whirlwind.
 I have fostered since childhood."

 Bjork, Hope

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Watch Me.

It has been a relaxing Monday today like doing nothing at home, searching for next month hairstyle that i want to get, listening to music and blogging as usual.

Next month or should i say next year, will be exciting one. Piles of homework waiting to fall onto my lap and the thrill of reunion dinner on Chinese New Year. 

I know Christmas is like so many days ago and Santa is probably resting his sore butt and swollen feet for delivering unbelievable amount of presents around the world. However, would you be so kind to send a Calvin Klein minimalist men watch to me?

To make it easier for your elves to prepare it, i've included the picture here and the watch costs US$330. Since US dollar is weakening now and i've heard you've been investing on the strong Japanese Yen, it shouldn't be a problem on your fat wallet.

I can assure you that it wouldn't be a waste of time because it will look Oh-so-good on me. Seriously. So do send it to me when you're ready, this time round you can take your time.

By the way, to make thing easier for you since we don't have chimney over here in Singapore; wrapped the gift in a hard metallic case and throw it into my window.

Don't worry Santa, i'll clean up the mess and you won't be accused of being naughty ;)

"Think of all the fun i've missed.
 Think of all the fellas i haven't kiss.
 Next year i could be just as good,
 if you'll check off my Christmas list."

 Eartha Kitt, Santa Baby

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Don't stop my craving

I don't know what's wrong with me these days.

I get hungry so often and craving for so many foods. It makes me can't wait to go back to Indonesia and eat all the food i want ( Literally, all )

Like i could have my lunch now and feel hungry two hours later ( That hasn't happened since my Secondary school days ). Sure it is a good thing, since i'm in serious need of gaining some weights. However, i don't know why but sometimes i feel fat. Its funny *smoothing down my tiny waist with both hands* since i'm not anorexic. Nope, an anorexia won't even eat at all.

However, its kind of costly if i were to buy food in every two, three hours or so intermittently. I'd go broke a week after i get my salary. Plus, i'm too healthy conscious. I wish i could just shut my conscious up and ignore that fact that i didn't have any vegetables for the day.

Last night, i had a uncontrollable urge to have burger. So i went to MacDonald. Where else can i get burger at 11 p.m anyway?

So take that my healthy conscious mind! A spicy chicken burger, with fries and coke. Upsized! *Evil laughter*

"Hey, let's kick it.
 Stop, just lick it.
 Let you start it,
 'cause 'cause it's so easy."

 The Sounds, Tony The Beat

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

That's what Christmas is all about.

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all will have a good one =)

As usual, i'm in my workplace ( and sleepy ) =)

So feel free to drop by, haha

"Its coming on christmas.
 They're cutting down trees.
 They're putting up reindeers
 and singing songs of joy and peace.
 Oh~ I wish i have a river,
 i could skate away on."

 Joni Mitchell, River.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Where did you get that smile?

I'm kind of bored and have nothing to do.

Wait, i do have some research to complete before school term starts.

During this holiday season, anything can go from nice to wild. However, at the same time, please take care of yourself and be sensible in the things that you do. Don't do anything that you'll regret or caused the history to repeat itself again. I'm not against partying, just do it sensibly.

Oh well, i miss that brown eyes and killer smile, =p

"A large part of me,
 is always and forever tied
 to the lamplight,
 of your eyes, of your eyes."

 Laura Veirs, Spelunking.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Out of My Way

I think i'm getting neurotic and impatient these days ( or at least yesterday )

Yesterday ended pretty rough. Urghh.

A caucasian lady came into the boutique in a hurry and asked for a size 4 straight cut pants. The problem is, it has been sold out. 

She was like, "Oh~ Come on. I have the money right now, i'll buy it immediately if you were to get me the size 4."

Excuse me, i should be the one who say "Come On!" It seems that she don't understand english at all. I've explained to her for so many times and she still asked for it. Its not like i'm hiding that pathetic pants in the storeroom, unwilling to sell it to her.

Then, she grabbed a whole lot of dresses and wanted to try it on. She was so impatient that she even came out of the fitting room with only her bra and 'cute' underwear.

Jeeper creepers, can i just say? Lady, you're not Adriana Lima, so please shed some pounds. While you're at that, i can even offer you some tips. Pfff.

Plus, there were two teenagers who came in with their parents. While their parents were browsing the clothes, they were happily snapping pictures inside the fitting room. Excuse me, the two of you, its called the Fitting Room, not 'Photograph-Me Room'. ( I guess they don't understand english as well, darn. )

Apparently, shameless people are around due to the lack of mirrors in their house was true. =T

Anyway, is it just me or Singapore is getting crowded? While i was on my way home, there are so many people around blocking my way; in the mall, on the escalator, in the underpass link and inside MRT station as well.

If i'm as anointed as Moses is, i'd love to part the sea of people or simply just chase everyone away. They can sway out of control in the bus 'jerk-stop' motion while i enjoy my peace in the train.

Actually, you know what, i shouldn't complain so much about this. I've been through worst.

Then again, Sunday started out rough as well. Urggh.

"When i come to the club, step aside.
 Part the sea, Don't be having me in the line.
 VIP, 'cause you know i gotta shine."

 Fergie, london bridge.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Be Be My Pets

I was raving on how i wanted to get pets especially two dogs and two cats in my previous post.

I have actually planned on what breed of cats and dogs that i want to get when i can afford them. During my secondary school days, i would go to Popular bookstore after lesson and went straight into the pet section. Then, i would pick up books that contain a whole range of dogs and cats and do my research there.

Right from their appearance, behavior and to the type of common diseases they'd get. So after countless time of questioning myself, i've chose Siberian husky and Papillon for my pet dog and Egyptian Mau and Balinese as my pet cat ( as in, in the future )

I know Siberian Husky is pretty common and loved by most of the pet owners but i just simply can't resist them. They're blessed with this natural biological cuteness that never fails to make me go 'aaaww'. Well, Papillon is actually a no brainer choice for me, i love its elegant look and its fiercely loyal =)

The left picture is an Egyptian Mau. I was so captivated by it ever since i saw one in the movie, Catwoman by Halle Berry. There's just something mysterious about this particular breed of cat ( Well, cats are often mysterious anyway ) They are very affectionate and gentle, not to mention cuddly =)

And the right picture is a Balinese. It was called Balinese due to the fact that they have the elegance of a Balinese dancer. They are part of the Siamese cat family. I love it because of its slim and lithe body, plus they are very friendly and loves companion.

Just like me, hahaha =p

"When the cats and dogs are falling,
 i'm recalling you.
 You said i'd be bored today
 and i don't know what i want to do."

 The Cardigans, Pooh Song.

Catch Bolt if You Can

Finally, i went to catch Bolt today with Bobo at the Cathay.

The show was entertaining though nothing to shout about. In my opinion, its way behind Finding Nemo or Shrek. Still, i do have good time over the movie. The spotlight clearly belongs to the cat, Mitten and the hamster, Rhino because of their catchy phrases and funny moves whereas Bolt himself was pretty bland.

It makes me want to own pets too, but not now. I still can't afford to get and take care of pets. i would love to have two dogs and two cats preferably pure breeds =)

Anyway, i don't have to turn up for work until this Saturday. I kind of not getting used to it because i'm used to preparing myself to gear up for next day's work. Now, i felt weird when i can sleep and wake up a little later than usual.

Oh well, human...

"Let's unite tonight,
 we shouldn't fight.
 Embrace you tight,
 let's unite tonight."

 Bjork, Unison.

Monday, December 15, 2008


Last night, i dreamt of beloved Bjork! YAY I guess its because i've been listening to 'Unison' the whole time last night. She's right, we should 'unite tonight'.

In the dream, i shouted for her name and she threw her arms to hug me. She gave me two pecks on my cheek and even allow me to kiss her on her lips! Well, i hope i could get some of her talents from that kiss =)

Now, i have no doubts on what album i'm going to buy next month when i get my pay.

Today was fairly busy at work. Looks like i have other things to do other than taking pictures in my workplace, haha =p

"I find
 an accurate copy,
 a blueprint,
 of the pleasure in me."

 Bjork, Pagan poetry

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Shoot me, please.

I'm been working most of the time during the holidays, yet it can be boring at times since the boutique was quiet due to the little crowd.

So what other thing to do best when you're bored? Well, take some pictures and hail yourself as the Cam Whore of course.

I prick my thumb with a needle and have to wrap the wound with a pathetic wet tissue.

Now, Come to me!

Alright, thats all folks! i can't take anymore pictures since people starting to peer into the boutique and wondering why i've been staying still for a few seconds.

"Sea lion woman
 dressed in blue,
 call on a man and hope,
 he knows what he can do."

 Feist, Sea Lion Woman.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

No compromise.

I think i'm getting sick...

I can feel the heat and the ache all over my body. Plus, i think my stomach is bloated or upset. It just doesn't feel good..

Gosh, i don't want to fall sick. I still can go on. I don't want to be sick, especially when my mum is not around =s ( Yes, i'm a mummy boy )

I wish i'm in Indonesia, then my mum would make a bowl of porridge or oatmeal... 

Arrgghh, i don't want to fall sick. I still need to work next week. I still can carry on. Just a little bit more. Please..

"Born stubborn me,
 will always be.
 Before you count,
 one, two, three."

 Bjork, Unison.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Seize my gut

It seems that i need my fix of Green Tea Latte from Starbucks.

I've not been a fan of coffee but Green Tea Latte sure made its way into my addiction. ( Maybe because it is tea? )

I want it extremely hot that it warms my stomach when it streams down my gut.

Anyway, i thought i'm going to have a lot of fun during holiday but i'm rotting out of boredom. Everyone is busy over works including me. Sigh*

I want to catch movies. I need something that is light-hearted and not so abstractly complicated. Alright, maybe Twilight is not so light-hearted but at least the story line is not complicated.

I want to go home.

I hate to admit this.

That i'm lonely.

I've always love the time spent alone. The time where i'm able to mull over stuffs.

However, too much time alone is damaging. Its creeping into my mind, making me a paranoid homie. Its forcing me to think that everything will return to the same way that it used to be again.

I'm such a fool back then, to think that i don't need anyone but myself and that i can do anything by myself as long as i believe. Now, i should laugh at my stupid theory.

I need a little hug.
I need a shoulder to lean on.
I need to protect.
I need the connection.
I need to smile.
I need... some love?

Stupid, me.

"I'm a drug, you don't want to give up.
 Smoke your cigarette, make your love."

 Rachael Yamagata, Sunday Afternoon.

Who's Your Daddy?

I heart you guys!

I miss them so much!!! Marie, Jo and Sophie in above pic, Amelia was somewhere around. They are the reasons why my secondary life was so exciting. Ever since we completed 'O' level, we rarely see each other due to our school timetable. BUT, when we do, it is always a crazy one. 

I totally miss spending overnight at Amelia's house with the rest of the girls.

Marie!! I want to hear your jokes badly, haha. The funniest girl on earth ( Yes, i'm bias ) and she has the talents ;)

I miss you Amelia a.k.a Xiao Zhu, the introvert who is pack with a punch and powerful lungs, hahaha You know what i mean.

Jo! My sunshine girl, i miss your charming smile =)

And not forgetting Sophie, i can't find your best pic, haha. But you know i care a lot for you right? She's neurotic all the time like Woody Allen and i'm probably the only guy in the world who can stand her, hahaha.

I'll see you girls soon yea


"I put some new shoes on
 and suddenly everything's right.
 i put some new shoes on
 and everybody's smiling."

 Paolo Nutini, New Shoes

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I'm breaking strings

Its weird, i woke up and found myself thinking about that again. Repeating in my head over and over again.

I thought... Never mind. I'm tired of thinking about you. Would you please get out of my mind if i show you the way? Please.

Sometimes, i'm tired emotionally most of the time. My spirit and my soul just wouldn't allow me to move on. Gradually losing my purposes over time.

Life in a family of Lord is no easy feat. Its like a huge family ran by a patriarch and everyone have to be on their best. And you have to prove yourself and make Him proud. Plus, His sons and daughters are plenty and willing to please.

I started off getting excited about it like a little child, eventually got tired of being on my toes all the time. I realised i'm a hypocrite if i were to keep on going like that. I'm not what people thought i am. I just want to contribute without all the brou ha ha around me. I just want to be ordinary man doing extraordinary stuffs...

Then, starting to find beauties in sex and alcohol. Its funny how the cycle repeated itself like my own life. Now, i don't know how to talk with Him. I'm staying outside the house and everyone is merrying inside.

These days, i'm dying to connect, to link and to share with someone who can really understand me. The need is so great, i'm going crazy. I wish i could afford to visit a psychiatrist. Sometimes i want to write everything right out of my mind but i realised it will disturbed everyone.

I guess i just have to be more sensible. 

"I can understand all that you are.
 I can even take all that you're not.
 I can sympathise with all you want to be.
 But don't f*** me in front of me."

 Rachael Yamagata, Don't

Mr. Snowman

Christmas is just around the corner, two more weeks to be exact. I have been naughty and nice, Santa must have been having a tough time. But, its alright Santa, be it naughty or nice, i'll still take the title anyway =)

I'll be alone this Christmas, since everyone has their own plans and i'm working on that day itself. I guess its a good time to be alone and wish the Lord 'Happy Birthday'. He might even drop me a visit ( I wish! )

Daion will definitely spending it with that person even though he'll hate to admit it, haha and Steph will probably spend it with her brothers ( You should, Steph ).

How i wish it is snowing down here, so i can build my own snowman and call it Frosty. Then we can sit outside under the snow as the day pass by.

Mr. Snowman

Its coming on Christmas.
Built out of warmth,
left outside alone,
forced to fake a smile,
coldness sank into heart.

Oh, Mr. Snowman,
i'll stay put with you
whole night.
I'll show you how summer feels,
we're loathed by warmth.

Don't shed any tear,
it'll be lost among the snow.
Though winter is full of mercy,
the spring is punishing.
Our beauties will be reduced
into nothing.

Oh, Mr. Snowman.
Let's hide underground.
We'll dream of waves
and busy footsteps up
the ground.

Dear Mr. Snowman.
The things we freely give,
the Celcius stole.

Julius Kensan
( Sentimental Freak )

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I love you, Ma!

My mum came over on monday to drop me a visit. Just when i thought i have got over my homesickness, the sight of her face brought it back once again. 

Then we went to get my Macbook because my previous Acer desktop has already spoilt. Thanks Mum! 

It is not easy to be away from your family for such a long time. I somehow lost the connection and lost what they are into these days. That's what happened on monday, me and my mum were quiet most of the time, yet deep inside we were struggling to connect and share. I tried to slow down my foot steps since her feet hurt from the heels and she tried her best to catch up with my pace.

Anyway, thank God we started to loosen up during the dinner and began to talk a little bit more. Yet the time spent was cut short as my mum has to leave for the next day.

A week ago, i switched my skin care products to Kiehl and it was good! My skin really feels clean without over drying or anything. I'll probably go back for more products next month =)

Plus, i got myself a new haircut too, =p actually i was planning to show it personally rather than posting it here but here you go.

Anyway, i just want to thank God for the blessings even though i have been rebellious and have not been behaving =T

"Life is not a bed of roses.
 Even if it is, it's full of thorns."

 Julius Kensan

Saturday, December 6, 2008

We're made of dreams?

I'm kind of lazy to write anything here except for the fact that i was FINED for JAYWALKING!

Oh well, every indonesian is born to jaywalk so i guess $20 fine is not as bad as Daion's $200 fine, haha.

Anyway, A.I.A night has been fun, though it take quite sometime for me to loosen up.

Thanks guys, the two of you are like two in the millions who can stand my irritable temper, eccentric behaviour, unneccessary wailings, consistent whining and gag-inducing questions.

A few nights ago, i dreamt that i actually murdered someone.

I can't remember whether i was instructed or forced to do it but i know i was definitely filled with anger. Worse, it was on his wedding day. I carried an axe in my hand, went in front of him and gave him two slashes on his face. I can't see who is it though.

The next thing i know, i was told to murder two more guys and both happened to be on their wedding days as well. I ran away this time round, after realising that i have actually taken someone else lifes.

"I follow with my eyes 'til they crash,
i wonder what my body would sound like,
slamming against those rocks."

Bjork, Hyper Ballad

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Tonight is the night!

The A.I.A night and no one is going to stop us. Period.

"You are the dancing queen,
 young and sweet only seventeen.
 Dancing queen, feel the beat
 from the tambourine."

 Mama Mia, Dancing Queen

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Drink up the irony

My mum was supposed to come over yesterday on Monday to visit me and yet she couldn't make it due to some reasons. Worse, she didn't even inform me or give me a call regarding the cancellation.

Then, she smsed me the night after i found out that she's not coming. She told me to rush out of the house and look at the sky. She said there were two stars above the sickle-shaped moon and it looked like a smiling face. I rushed out and saw nothing. 

Well, let's just say that we're gazing at different sky even we're under the same one. Maybe, she said that to cheer me up? Still, i wish i could see the same splendor that my mum saw.

Oh well, i can't really complain about it since i have nothing to do or any appointments anyway. I was so bored at home, just pacing back and forth, refilling my glass with water and staring at the ceiling until the image got blurred.

Two of my close friends were busy with work and dance routines. I didn't dare to bother the rest too, knowing they have some agendas going on. HOWEVER, i'm looking forward to A.I.A outing this thursday and another outing with my Lasalle chimps next week to Salvation Army. YAY. 

Actually, i was supposed to get my salary by tomorrow 2 p.m, but my fellow 'nice' colleague forgot to bank it in yesterday and now i'll have to wait until thursday. Now, i can't even top up my SIM card which has been valuing at $0.00 for the past week.

It's funny on how you've only been in my life for such an incredibly short period of time and managed to done so many damages to me. Just when i thought it was safe to open my door, you came in as a saint and took everything away. I don't blame you though, i was just to stupid enough to believe. Believing everything will go my way. 

There's only one wish from me, that is you'll at least keep me in your memory. And i'll keep you in mine too, safely tuck in a corner of my heart.

"Baby says i can't come with him.
 And i have read all of this in his eyes,
 long before he even said so.
 'Why go?' I asked."

 Rachael Yamagata, Quiet

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Seasons of Emotions

My long awaited holiday has come and instead of mulling over past stuffs, i should make full use of it. I'm going to work more at 'Nicholas' more often. So for those of you who are happened to be around the Marina Square area, feel free to drop by and say 'Hi' =)

Thank God, the sales have been doing good for the days when i worked. Clearly, i don't want to be a jinx.

By the way, Daion dropped by last night after he has finished his shift at 'Nicholas' over at the Stamford House. I was actually chatting over the phone with him in 'Nicholas' at Marina Square and he told me that i'll see hot guy walking past the boutique.

I was like, "Huh?".

I looked up and saw him walking in. HAHAHA, EEwww so whatever, right?

He bought me a snowman bread from Breadtalk and milk tea from Muji to cheer me up. Haha, thanks ok, 'Hot guy'.

Anyway, i need to try harder, i need to be happy and cheerful even though alot of things have not been going my way. Worse, i had a recurring nightmare this morning that i was retained at Foundation study.. Yikes!

Oh well, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. And since everyone love Juju, i got to be at my best too right? Thanks for the revelation, Sophie =)

Of course, not forgetting to thank my Dear Lord as well. Thank You =)

"They're terribly moody, then all of a sudden turn happy. But, oh, to get involved in the exchange of human emotions is ever so satisfying."

Bjork, Human Behaviour

Light up those clouds and eyes

A few days ago, the late afternoon sky was amazingly beautiful while i was on my way home. The sky looked fresh and billowing clouds were everywhere and there were white beaming clouds too, my favourite!

Can you guys feel it? I was standing over at the pedestrian walk trying to devour every moment of it. Somehow i wish i could see a careless angel, running around the edge of that beaming clouds. I always believe that there are activities going on behind the clouds especially those which are beaming with light. Maybe the angels are celebrating over something? No matter what, i look forward to those beautiful sky again =)

By the way, Edward Cullen is everywhere these days. Whenever i'm on my way to school, work or home. And by that, i'm talking about the main character of the upcoming movie 'Twilight'.

There are just something indescribable about those haunting golden eyes and pale skin of him that sets my blood running; awaiting for him to take a bite. And the fragile face of Isabella Swan breaks my heart; prompting me to hide her from harm. I'll definitely catch those two setting my heart on blaze in the cinema soon.

Speaking of advertisement, i came across a Rolex watch ad campaign and can i just say that it was utterly horrible?

It is like the photographer caught this secretary taking a short nap on her desk while wearing the luxurious Rolex watch. I think the Creative Director should be sacked.

"You come out at night. That's when the energy comes and the dark side's light and the vampires roam."

Sarah MacLachlan, Building A Mystery.

Feathers and Down

I wonder what it feels like to be a thief.

To steal their hearts away and pour it with my own blood.

They will fall into sleep and i'll be in their mind... If only i could...

It seems that most of my friends are just like me during this past month, our emotions headed straight south together with the economy.

Miffra is uneasy,
Matt's heart is heavy,
Angela declared she's living in deceit
and many more whom i wish i could list.

I wish my arms were wider so i could hide them all away; Allowing them to heal before releasing them into reality. And i'm here, struggling not to think about that face whom i might not have the chance to see.

"To think i might not see those eyes,
makes it so hard not to cry.
As we say our long goodbye,
i nearly do."

Snow Patrol, Run

Friday, November 28, 2008

Pause the Tragic Ending.

It seems to me that people who dabble in art are most likely to end up with a tragic ending. It doesn't matter on how talented you are, how well received you are, somehow their life ended up in a way that made it so hard for me to believe.

Vincent Willem van Gogh was a Dutch Post-Impressionist artist. His paintings and drawings are some of the world's best known, most popular and most expensive pieces. His works are outstandingly impressive, like the Potato Eaters and Starry Night Over The Rhone which are one of the few pieces that i wish i could own. His father was a minister in church and van Gogh served was even once a preacher.

Yet, all was dashed due to his amorous disappointments and mental illness struck him in the later part of hs life. He cut of his lower part of his left ear lobe and in the end killed himself by shooting his chest with a revolver.

Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde or better known as Oscar Wilde was a celebrated playwright, poet and author of his time. He is known to be witty and a handful of famous quotes came from him. However, he was discriminalised for being gay and jailed. After the release, he fell into depression and finally died of cerebral meningitis.

Everyone might have heard of him, he is Andy Warhol, the father of pop art. Everything that is related to the art industry, he has dabbled in most of them from painter to record producer. His works are thought provoking and pushed the boundary of art during his time. He has so many achievements that i can't even contain all of them here. Despite of the glory, he died of cardiac arrhythmia during his gall bladder surgery.

Why? It seemed unfair at times, especially van Gogh, he was supposed to be leading a good life. A faithful servant to God and blessed with incredible talents in painting and drawing. Yet, have to suffered and perished in his own hand. So do we all artist have to pay the price for the talent that we have someday?

Chardonnay, i love you especially today.

Last night, before i went to bed, i made a small little prayer, a small little request to the Lord.

"Lord, if tonight i were to have a dream. Won't you be so kind to take me somewhere? A plain or something, where it is so vast and empty, so that i could scream and cry at my heart content. Thank you Lord. Amen."

Well, it didn't came true but still He gave me something before i really fell asleep.

In a densely populated country like Singapore, I CAN'T SHOUT AND SCREAM TO MY HEART CONTENT!

I think i need chardonnay. Won't you be with me tonight? I love you especially today, the redder you are, the better it is.

"Rose, i love you especially today.
  Rose, i love your delicate way."

  The Feeling, Rose

Thursday, November 27, 2008


I asked myself on whether i'm alright, because you can't be the one i adore.

Daion told me i should take it as a compliment since he might has seen me as a competitor... Really?

Somehow i wish that that is not the case,
so the grip will be looser.
Somehow, i wish i have not erased the messages.
Now, i have nothing to look upon.
Now, i have nothing to taste upon.

This is crazy; They asked me on how can i be so sure? But my instinct has never failed me. I know that i know and i recognised the destined one.

Yet, what can i do? What can i really do? I have always come in second in everything that i do, in everything that i have. If my life is pulling a joke on me, then all i can say is 'Well Done'. It started out as funny, then a little jinxed and ended with a misery.

"I really thought i was okay,
i really thought i was just fine.
But when i woke up this time.
There is nothing that could take me back to sleep,
to take you off my mind... this time."

Rachael Yamagata, Over and over

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Value Of Sin

Someone from the church once shared this revelation to me.

He said,"There is no small sin or big sin. All of them are the same when you sinned."

I carried this revelation with me all the time. I personally think it was true, it makes sense to me. Now? Maybe not anymore. Or at least in the human's perspective.

So, if in between me lying to someone and me murdering someone were the same then why are there different punishments for both? Of course, i would get lighter sentence for lying or even none but when it comes to murder, i'd probably get a death sentence.

Isn't it suppose to weigh the same?

If so, what's with the different treatment?

Then again, to God, the price of sin is death. So i guess, after all, everything does end up the same, or does it? Am i dissecting the value of sin just so i can appear more dignified beside a murderer in front of God? Honestly, i do. However, the guilt that i carry is no difference than that of a murderer's.

"Watch, i can flash across the sky,
a lightning bolt from up on high,
and i can crash into myself."

Laura Veirs, Icebound Stream

The Unknown Lark

Ever wonder on who you might have meet when you missed that very train? Be it when you're rushing for school, work or appointment. You might have meet that very person, that special someone who is destined to be your closest friend or life partner.

If only you have cut down the time on styling your hair, snoozing or checking your email before leaving your house, you might have get the chance to meet that person.

That sudden rush of blood to the head, electrified eye contacts and fidgeting hands... To me, that's one of the few beauties of taking public transport. The chances of meeting people who you'll see only once in your lifetime. For some, i saw them a few times whenever i took the train and read stories from their faces.

Oh well, just one of my fantasies whenever i'm alone travelling. The need to reach out, to copulate, to understand are so strong yet all of this is done within my fantasy. My tutorial lecturer once shared that the relationship within fantasy is always better than the reality. I can't help but to agree.

"We slept in the shadow of the cedar tree,
we made love on the rising tide.
We smelled the perfume of the waxing moon,
we dreamt of all friendships kind."

Laura Veirs, Don't lose yourself