The Ones that we go back to.

My assessment is just two days away and though my housemate, Linda told me that i looked very calm, i can assure you that i felt as if someone is going to throw me into the lion's den.

So many things to be done and sometimes i just lost focus.

In the end, i went to get myself a couple cans of Redbull and boy, i was so energised that even when i tried to sleep, my eyes would open automatically.

Yesterday, i just felt very uncomfortable. I need to talk to someone but to who? Who can really understand and spare their time to talk to me even for a while? So, i smsed my mum and she called me.

You know, its funny how growing up as a teenager, i always thought that my parents don't understand me at all and furthermore i was studying overseas, its just makes the whole thing worse. We don't really talk except for a couple exchange of sms or when i go back to my hometown during the holiday.

So, the decision to talk to my mum last night was a pretty weird and bold, if i may add. However, i'm glad to be able to talk to her. She still know me well after all these years, she pointed out my weaknesses and encouraged me. 

Don't hesitate to speak to your parents when you're feeling down. After all, they are the one that we always go back to.

By Hedi Slimane

"But you pick me up and brush me off,

 and tell me i'm okay.

 Sometimes thats just what we need,

 to get us through the day."

 Sarah MacLachlan, Push

Human

Human are weird. Unfathomable. Unpredictable.

We're the same and yet the most pain inflicted are from human, ourselves. That particular kind of pain where its inflicted internally with no wounds to identify with at all. The most amazing thing is, it comes effortlessly from our tongues.

So sometimes its no wonder that we like each other so much better when we just shut our mouths up.

I really wish i could just shift the blame to everyone else, instead i try my best to recognise my part.

I guess i'm just too tired. This morning i dreamt that a certain spirit collided with me. Its like we're traveling towards each other so fast that we crashed eventually. When i opened my eyes, my vision was blur, i saw pixels. I was paralysed and all i could remember is that i mouthed the words 'I cast you out" before falling back to sleep again.

Yea, i'm really tired. Let me sleep for a while more.

To all the people i've hurt.

To all the people i've hurt..

By Hedi Slimane

"Hearts break, hearts mend.

 Love still hurts.

 Visions clash, planes crash.

 Still there's talk of."

Sarah MacLachlan, World On Fire

Fallen

"Though i've tried, i've fallen.

 I have sunk so low.

 I messed up,

 better i should know.

 So don't come round here

 and tell me 'I told you so'. "

Sarah MacLachlan, Fallen.

Yes, i've fallen yet again.

It seems that i have a knack for messing things up...

Oh God~

I Feel It All

Now i understand it. We love to think that the most influential people on earth that changes us deeply are those that you don't know, say, like maybe the guy who reached the top of Everest or fought against injustice which splashes across the tabloids and the list goes on.

Yet, the most influential people are our parents.

It slowly runs through my mind. Why we need parents to born into this world and not just popped out from a bubble in the middle of air. They are the one who shaped me and damaged me so i'll grow up imperfect.

I realised my mum longed to feel protected and my dad somehow felt horrible for not able to preserve our family the way he want it to be. I guess it stemmed from my 3rd brother. 

Angry on how he watched my brother slowly morphing into someone whom he once was. And through that i saw my dad turning into my grandfather, someone he felt bitter against.

Its scary on how history teaches us lessons; so brutal and so honest that it hit the core.

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that i was confronted by God. 

I was stirred and shaken, something was welling up inside of me. I cried.

Yet, when i woke up from the dream, where is my cry? My brackish tears barely even filled up my eyes.

I don't need the strength to fight. I just need the strength to protect. My family, friends and those whom i desired to protect.

Ironically, i left myself vulnerable. 

But i'll find myself in time.

Because time is not what i think.

"Am i faithful?

 Am i strong?

 Am i good enough to belong

 in your reverie a perfect girl?"

 Sarah MacLachlan, Perfect Girl

  

Light up those clouds and eyes

A few days ago, the late afternoon sky was amazingly beautiful while i was on my way home. The sky looked fresh and billowing clouds were everywhere and there were white beaming clouds too, my favourite!

Can you guys feel it? I was standing over at the pedestrian walk trying to devour every moment of it. Somehow i wish i could see a careless angel, running around the edge of that beaming clouds. I always believe that there are activities going on behind the clouds especially those which are beaming with light. Maybe the angels are celebrating over something? No matter what, i look forward to those beautiful sky again =)

By the way, Edward Cullen is everywhere these days. Whenever i'm on my way to school, work or home. And by that, i'm talking about the main character of the upcoming movie 'Twilight'.

There are just something indescribable about those haunting golden eyes and pale skin of him that sets my blood running; awaiting for him to take a bite. And the fragile face of Isabella Swan breaks my heart; prompting me to hide her from harm. I'll definitely catch those two setting my heart on blaze in the cinema soon.

Speaking of advertisement, i came across a Rolex watch ad campaign and can i just say that it was utterly horrible?

It is like the photographer caught this secretary taking a short nap on her desk while wearing the luxurious Rolex watch. I think the Creative Director should be sacked.

"You come out at night. That's when the energy comes and the dark side's light and the vampires roam."

Sarah MacLachlan, Building A Mystery.