Yet, the most influential people are our parents.
It slowly runs through my mind. Why we need parents to born into this world and not just popped out from a bubble in the middle of air. They are the one who shaped me and damaged me so i'll grow up imperfect.
I realised my mum longed to feel protected and my dad somehow felt horrible for not able to preserve our family the way he want it to be. I guess it stemmed from my 3rd brother.
Angry on how he watched my brother slowly morphing into someone whom he once was. And through that i saw my dad turning into my grandfather, someone he felt bitter against.
Its scary on how history teaches us lessons; so brutal and so honest that it hit the core.
I had a dream last night. I dreamt that i was confronted by God.
I was stirred and shaken, something was welling up inside of me. I cried.
Yet, when i woke up from the dream, where is my cry? My brackish tears barely even filled up my eyes.
I don't need the strength to fight. I just need the strength to protect. My family, friends and those whom i desired to protect.
Ironically, i left myself vulnerable.
But i'll find myself in time.
Because time is not what i think.
"Am i faithful?
Am i strong?
Am i good enough to belong
in your reverie a perfect girl?"
Sarah MacLachlan, Perfect Girl