Who's Your Daddy?

I heart you guys!

I miss them so much!!! Marie, Jo and Sophie in above pic, Amelia was somewhere around. They are the reasons why my secondary life was so exciting. Ever since we completed 'O' level, we rarely see each other due to our school timetable. BUT, when we do, it is always a crazy one. 

I totally miss spending overnight at Amelia's house with the rest of the girls.

Marie!! I want to hear your jokes badly, haha. The funniest girl on earth ( Yes, i'm bias ) and she has the talents ;)

I miss you Amelia a.k.a Xiao Zhu, the introvert who is pack with a punch and powerful lungs, hahaha You know what i mean.

Jo! My sunshine girl, i miss your charming smile =)

And not forgetting Sophie, i can't find your best pic, haha. But you know i care a lot for you right? She's neurotic all the time like Woody Allen and i'm probably the only guy in the world who can stand her, hahaha.

I'll see you girls soon yea

xoxoxoxo

"I put some new shoes on

 and suddenly everything's right.

 i put some new shoes on

 and everybody's smiling."

 Paolo Nutini, New Shoes

I'm breaking strings

Its weird, i woke up and found myself thinking about that again. Repeating in my head over and over again.

I thought... Never mind. I'm tired of thinking about you. Would you please get out of my mind if i show you the way? Please.

Sometimes, i'm tired emotionally most of the time. My spirit and my soul just wouldn't allow me to move on. Gradually losing my purposes over time.

Life in a family of Lord is no easy feat. Its like a huge family ran by a patriarch and everyone have to be on their best. And you have to prove yourself and make Him proud. Plus, His sons and daughters are plenty and willing to please.

I started off getting excited about it like a little child, eventually got tired of being on my toes all the time. I realised i'm a hypocrite if i were to keep on going like that. I'm not what people thought i am. I just want to contribute without all the brou ha ha around me. I just want to be ordinary man doing extraordinary stuffs...

Then, starting to find beauties in sex and alcohol. Its funny how the cycle repeated itself like my own life. Now, i don't know how to talk with Him. I'm staying outside the house and everyone is merrying inside.

These days, i'm dying to connect, to link and to share with someone who can really understand me. The need is so great, i'm going crazy. I wish i could afford to visit a psychiatrist. Sometimes i want to write everything right out of my mind but i realised it will disturbed everyone.

I guess i just have to be more sensible. 

"I can understand all that you are.

 I can even take all that you're not.

 I can sympathise with all you want to be.

 But don't f*** me in front of me."

 Rachael Yamagata, Don't

Mr. Snowman

Christmas is just around the corner, two more weeks to be exact. I have been naughty and nice, Santa must have been having a tough time. But, its alright Santa, be it naughty or nice, i'll still take the title anyway =)

I'll be alone this Christmas, since everyone has their own plans and i'm working on that day itself. I guess its a good time to be alone and wish the Lord 'Happy Birthday'. He might even drop me a visit ( I wish! )

Daion will definitely spending it with that person even though he'll hate to admit it, haha and Steph will probably spend it with her brothers ( You should, Steph ).

How i wish it is snowing down here, so i can build my own snowman and call it Frosty. Then we can sit outside under the snow as the day pass by.

Mr. Snowman

Its coming on Christmas.

Built out of warmth,

left outside alone,

forced to fake a smile,

coldness sank into heart.

Oh, Mr. Snowman,

i'll stay put with you

whole night.

I'll show you how summer feels,

we're loathed by warmth.

Don't shed any tear,

it'll be lost among the snow.

Though winter is full of mercy,

the spring is punishing.

Our beauties will be reduced

into nothing.

Oh, Mr. Snowman.

Let's hide underground.

We'll dream of waves

and busy footsteps up

the ground.

Dear Mr. Snowman.

The things we freely give,

the Celcius stole.

Julius Kensan

( Sentimental Freak )

I love you, Ma!

My mum came over on monday to drop me a visit. Just when i thought i have got over my homesickness, the sight of her face brought it back once again. 

Then we went to get my Macbook because my previous Acer desktop has already spoilt. Thanks Mum! 

It is not easy to be away from your family for such a long time. I somehow lost the connection and lost what they are into these days. That's what happened on monday, me and my mum were quiet most of the time, yet deep inside we were struggling to connect and share. I tried to slow down my foot steps since her feet hurt from the heels and she tried her best to catch up with my pace.

Anyway, thank God we started to loosen up during the dinner and began to talk a little bit more. Yet the time spent was cut short as my mum has to leave for the next day.

A week ago, i switched my skin care products to Kiehl and it was good! My skin really feels clean without over drying or anything. I'll probably go back for more products next month =)

Plus, i got myself a new haircut too, =p actually i was planning to show it personally rather than posting it here but here you go.

Anyway, i just want to thank God for the blessings even though i have been rebellious and have not been behaving =T

"Life is not a bed of roses.

 Even if it is, it's full of thorns."

 Julius Kensan

We're made of dreams?

I'm kind of lazy to write anything here except for the fact that i was FINED for JAYWALKING!

Oh well, every indonesian is born to jaywalk so i guess $20 fine is not as bad as Daion's $200 fine, haha.

Anyway, A.I.A night has been fun, though it take quite sometime for me to loosen up.

Thanks guys, the two of you are like two in the millions who can stand my irritable temper, eccentric behaviour, unneccessary wailings, consistent whining and gag-inducing questions.

A few nights ago, i dreamt that i actually murdered someone.

I can't remember whether i was instructed or forced to do it but i know i was definitely filled with anger. Worse, it was on his wedding day. I carried an axe in my hand, went in front of him and gave him two slashes on his face. I can't see who is it though.

The next thing i know, i was told to murder two more guys and both happened to be on their wedding days as well. I ran away this time round, after realising that i have actually taken someone else lifes.


"I follow with my eyes 'til they crash,
i wonder what my body would sound like,
slamming against those rocks."

Bjork, Hyper Ballad

YAY

Tonight is the night!

The A.I.A night and no one is going to stop us. Period.

"You are the dancing queen,

 young and sweet only seventeen.

 Dancing queen, feel the beat

 from the tambourine."

 Mama Mia, Dancing Queen

Drink up the irony

My mum was supposed to come over yesterday on Monday to visit me and yet she couldn't make it due to some reasons. Worse, she didn't even inform me or give me a call regarding the cancellation.

Then, she smsed me the night after i found out that she's not coming. She told me to rush out of the house and look at the sky. She said there were two stars above the sickle-shaped moon and it looked like a smiling face. I rushed out and saw nothing. 

Well, let's just say that we're gazing at different sky even we're under the same one. Maybe, she said that to cheer me up? Still, i wish i could see the same splendor that my mum saw.

Oh well, i can't really complain about it since i have nothing to do or any appointments anyway. I was so bored at home, just pacing back and forth, refilling my glass with water and staring at the ceiling until the image got blurred.

Two of my close friends were busy with work and dance routines. I didn't dare to bother the rest too, knowing they have some agendas going on. HOWEVER, i'm looking forward to A.I.A outing this thursday and another outing with my Lasalle chimps next week to Salvation Army. YAY. 

Actually, i was supposed to get my salary by tomorrow 2 p.m, but my fellow 'nice' colleague forgot to bank it in yesterday and now i'll have to wait until thursday. Now, i can't even top up my SIM card which has been valuing at $0.00 for the past week.

It's funny on how you've only been in my life for such an incredibly short period of time and managed to done so many damages to me. Just when i thought it was safe to open my door, you came in as a saint and took everything away. I don't blame you though, i was just to stupid enough to believe. Believing everything will go my way. 

There's only one wish from me, that is you'll at least keep me in your memory. And i'll keep you in mine too, safely tuck in a corner of my heart.

"Baby says i can't come with him.

 And i have read all of this in his eyes,

 long before he even said so.

 'Why go?' I asked."

 Rachael Yamagata, Quiet